For one thing, I never realized how much snot Millie has. Until recently, I assumed that her little baby folds, chubby thighs, and plump cheeks just contained extra "baby fat." I assumed wrong. These folds contain her strategic snot reserves, which are saved up for times of emergency, when they gush forth from her nostrils in flows sufficient for generating hydro-electric energy.
"Not to worry" you may think-- "this must be why all parents come equipped with one of these devices:"
I foolishly thought the same thing. It is impossible to deliver a baby in today's modern society without being given at least five of these snot suckers by the time your baby is born. In fact, some women are given a new snot sucker at each of her monthly OB visits, just as a precaution. It is only after your baby is born that you will realize how utterly useless they are. Millie thinks of these devices as the BLUE SNOT SUCKERS OF DEATH, and (if anything) they only increase the amount of snot she is producing, due to her excessive crying with each
|An assortment of BLUE SNOT SUCKERS OF DEATH, selected at random from Millie's medicine drawer.|
This is why I have an ingenious idea for a new Lethal Weapon Movie. In "Lethal Weapon 5: Beat to Snot," Sergeant Riggs and Sergeant Murtaugh have to thwart the powerful Blue Snot Sucker Cartel, which has an evil plan to torture the babies in daycare centers across Los Angeles and capture their snot for use in hydro-electric energy production. The Cartel's sophisticated and brutal leader will be played by Jane Lynch from Glee, and the young rookie cop that goes undercover in the daycare center will be played by the e-trade baby. The trailer will just be Murtaugh looking at one of the snot-sucking devices and muttering, "I'm too Old for this Shit."