I leaned back in my salon chair. It wasn't really what I had in mind. I had come in with a much different haircut agenda. But it was good enough for Lorrie, and I'll be dammed if I'm going to go around questioning my betters. I answered instinctively. "Yes, Do it" I said. Then, I added for the fund of general knowledge of the room. "Lorrie Morgan is a country music superstar, and her album "watch me" was a really important part of my life when I was 10 years old. "
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| This is the picture she showed me. It's okay to laugh at me now if you need to. We all know this isn't going to end well. |
Those of you who know me best are probably wondering a few things at this point:
1. Katie, what were you doing in a salon in the first place? You are famously afraid of them and for that reason always cut your own hair.
2. Katie, how is it possible you trusted a stylist who didn't even know who Lorrie Morgan is?
3. And finally, Katie how does your new haircut look?
I'll answer your last question first. How does my haircut look? Not good guys. Not good. My stylist did her best, but--since she was unable to also give me Lorrie Morgan's boobs or great cheekbones-- Lorrie Morgan's haircut does not look that good on me. If my stylist had known more about country music, maybe she could have warned me against such a rash decision. As it was, she couldn't really have understood the draw the photo had for me.
To answer your second question- never again y'all. Never again. From now on I'm going to give any stylist I go and see a pop quiz on 1980's country music megastars. If she misses ONE WORD out of Wynonna Judd's mouth during our impromptu duet of Why Not Me? I AM OUT OF THERE.*
*just kidding. I get to be Wynonna.
Actually, none of this is really the stylist's fault. It's my own damn fault. The whole reason I had to go to the salon in the first place was that I self-trimmed my hair in a ridiculously lopsided fashion two nights ago. Before I went to bed that night, I thought to myself. DAMN. I REALLY NAILED THAT HAIRCUT TONIGHT! I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE IT IN THE MORNING. The morning came around, and I showered then dried my hair.
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| Me before going to bed two nights ago |
Do y'all remember Kitty, the mom from That 70's Show? I looked like her, only not symmetrical.
Actually scratch that. I looked like Krusty the clown.
Even my bestie Stacy, who is extremely biased towards me took one look at my lopsided self-inflicted coiffure and said. "I'll call my salon and tell them it's an emergency. Maybe they can get you in this afternoon."
For all these reasons, I was in an especially hilarious mood when I sat down with my stylist, and-- having already sentenced myself to a super short haircut in order to fix the damage I'd done-- was ready to go big or go home.
I learned a lot of important lessons yesterday. Even though this process has taught me a lot about the limitations of my own cheekbones, I think that the enjoyment I've been getting out of telling this story has overridden my actual dissatisfaction with my hair. Here are some of my major takeaways:
1. I don't have Lorrie Morgan's cheekbones. No one does. She's basically part pixie.
2. I need to start acting like an adult and stop cutting my own hair*
3. It is disheartening how many people have never heard of Lorrie Morgan.
4. I need to make Sean start practicing "Why not Me" with me, for the next time I need to go and get a haircut.
5. I get to be Wynonna.
So, as a PSA for what a real country diva looks and sounds like, here is a blurry video of Lorrie Morgan singing "Watch Me." I need you to all take a minute to watch this while pretending that you are an impressionable 10 year old girl. Then, fast forward to the present and tell me you would have done any differently in my situation.
*update: I gave myself a little trim and now I like my hair better. I wasn't going to do it, but then I was like "but what would Lorrie do if she were in my situation?" Then I literally took a pair of scissors to my haircut while singing watch me and I feel awesome now.
#whatwoudllorriedo
#watchme
#igettobewynonna
