Today, my sweet son Ben turns 1 year old. There are still days I look at him, and I can’t believe he’s actually real.* ** *because sleep deprivation is making me hallucinate
** ok fine, and because he’s a legit medical miracle
For his big sister, Millie’s first birthday, I made her a time capsule highlighting all of her favorite items and activities. Then, I lovingly hand knitted her a special gift, and baked her a carrot cake using organic carrots and agave nectar.
If Ben ever asks, I want you to tell him that I did all these things for him. But, the truth is, I woke up this morning and said “well, I guess I should get Ben a cake.” I drove to Food Lion 1 hour before his party, where I purchased some truly delicious cupcakes, which SOMEBODY had lovingly made from scratch—presumably while I was relaxing with my morning coffee. Now that I’m an experienced mom, I'm staring to learn which corners to cut.
One thing I definitely DON'T want to cut corners on though, is this time capsule blog post. Ben does some truly adorable things right now, and I am powerless to remember them because I now have the brainpower of a hamster who has been staying up all night and chugging Four Loko. One day I'll emerge from this fog, and then I'll sit Ben on my lap and read this to him:
Dear Son,
Happy birthday sweet boy!! Today you turned one! I have never met a sweeter baby (during the daytime) and I love everything about you (between the hours of 6am-7pm,)*
*until the moonlight drifts through your window, and transforms you into a hellish scream demon bent on the destruction of my very soul.
Things you like:
Books: You love books. It is really REALLY cute. You love turning their pages, and can sit by yourself for long stretches, totally entertained by the written word. Then, you ceremoniously break them upon the spine and tear them effortlessly until they fall, vanquished, like so many corpses among your literary battlefield. You are my precious gem.
This horse painting. No artist mother could ask for a more gratifying son-- you are the ultimate audience. Each morning, you stand beneath this painting and shriek urgently until I lift you up to lovingly stroke the noses of your horses, and each evening, you must tell them goodnight before entering your crib. When you pass your horses at any time of day, you call to them shouting "NEIGH! NEIGH" and listening, as if expecting to hear their whinnies in return.
Blueberries. Oh my god, look at you. Yeah I just can't.
Daddy: All day long you you talk about Sean. Any time I answer the phone you gurgle, "Dad, dad, dadda, dad, DAD!" And I'm like "I KNOW BUDDY, I LIKE HIM TOO!" #thatshowwegotinthismessinthefirstplace (Heheheh.)
Sister: Is she the coolest girl in the world? Yes, possibly. And you LOVE to watch her go.
Me: Yeah, I guess you like me as well. Sometimes you like me SOOO much that you miss me at 4:30 in the morning and decide to wake up early so we can hang together. I complain about it a LOT now, but when you're a teenager and don't want to snuggle with me anymore, I know I'll look back wistfully. I may just go and wake you up at 4:30, just for old times sake ;).
Things you don't like:
Diapers: To say that you don't like diapers is an understatement. As best I can tell, you are a devout member of a secret baby religion that abjures the use of all diapers and diaper products. The look on your face when I change you is one of shock and moral violation. During each cleaning, you try with all of your newly learned motor skills to escape the sinful absorption of that which you have forsworn.
Sleep. I know I've hinted (subtly) at this earlier in the blog post, but Ben, you really don't care for sleep at all. Lately I've been wondering if you're consuming some sort of allergens through my breast milk and have thus compiled this list of foods I regularly consume:
- Hot Toddies
- Artisanal Ciders
- Pimento Cheese
- Oatmeal
- Chocolate baking chips, consumed directly from the bag, like an animal.
Ben, when Sean and I decided to move forward and try to have you, I had no idea how much I would be tested along the way. You've put me through hell sometimes baby. But hell, you were worth it. I can't believe that I get to be your mother. Waking up every morning to that smile, those hugs, and your soul crushing sweetness-- even 4:30 doesn't seem so bad.
I love you forever my sweet boy. Now please, go back to sleep.
Love,
Mamma
