This year, for Halloween, Millie decided to be a blue macaw. Not just ANY blue macaw, but Jewel from the movie Rio. Then Ben, who wants to do literally anything his sister does, decided he ALSO wanted to be a blue Macaw, and so for the last several weeks I've been feverishly cutting fleece feathers, sewing, and hot-gluing to make two realistic life sized endangered parrot costumes because that's exactly how I've always pictured me using my college degree, and also my free time, which I have so much of.
ALSO in the past few weeks I've been having conversations with my friends and fellow parents at the park, dance class, and all the other places where weary parents gather and try to squeeze in adult conversations between sipping coffee and listening to podcasts. These conversations typically go like this:
Parent 1: (turning off their podcast as they see me approaching) "So, what do your kids want to be for Halloween this year?"
Me: (frantically drinking coffee): "My kids are going to be Blue and Jewel, the endangered Blue Macaws from Rio."
Parent 1: "I found a great deal on an (insert costume idea) here, which I responsibly planned ahead for and bought a month ago, so I still had time to send it back if anything didn't fit properly."
Me:"Yeah, me and my kids went to the craft store the other day to pick out materials, and now I've just got like--- I dunno maybe 15 hours of trying to get my kids to stand still in their partially constructed costumes while I haphazardly hot-glue things together in my future."
Parent 1: "Oh God, you're not one of those crafty moms who is going to show us all up are you?"
Okay let's pause this conversation here. I bet this conversation sounds familiar to most of you-- but I don't want any of y'all to get defensive. I'd just like to say, especially if you are one of the many people who have had this conversation with me, that your kid looks adorable in their store-bought costume. This isn't a post about how homemade ones are better/worse than store bought ones. It's about how-- at least for me-- I'm not making extravagant home-made costumes to compete with other parents, but rather to give my own kids one day when their (sometimes spacey) Mamma totally comes through for them.
Okay, back to the conversation. What I normally say here is something self deprecating like "oh, you know I can never get my act together to buy a costume in advance so I always end up making one last minute." but what I OUGHT to say is. YES MOTHERFUCKERS. I AM TOTALLY THAT CRAFTY MOM. MY KID'S COSTUMES ARE GOING TO BE MAJESTIC AND I'M NOT APOLOGIZING FOR IT, AND ALSO PLEASE DON'T LET THEM NEAR ANY FIRES, BECAUSE THOSE PARROT WINGS ARE SUPER FLAMMABLE.
Here's the truth. It can be hard to be my kid. Oh sure, I'm fun and my kids love me, but I'm sort of a shit show. I struggle with the day-to-day administrative tasks that come along with parenting. I see all you organized parents out there really succeeding at tasks such as making appointments, getting involved with your kids school, and making sure everybody gets out the door each morning with underwear on. But that's a struggle for me. And it's a struggle for my kids too. Sometimes my daughter asks me why I can't be more like the other parents she sees. Why I don't write little notes in her lunch box each day for her, or chaperone her field trips, or remember her birthday.* But on Halloween--- well Halloween is the one day a year my daughter can feel super smug that she's MY daughter.
*jk on this one y'all. :)
** But to be honest, we did throw Millie's birthday 8 whole months after her actual birthday this year, so yeah... I guess I'm the worst.
So, as you look around your neighborhoods tonight, soak in all the different ways in which parents take on costumes for their kids. Then, breathe a deep sigh and know that---despite our differences-- deep down, all of us still have the same commitment to eat our children's candy at night once they go to sleep. If you see the crafty mom in the community tagging along after her kids, don't give her too much hell about trying to show other parents up-- chances are her fingerprints are now permanently
burned away from the heat of her hot glue gun, and the poor woman has suffered enough. Instead, give her a smile and tell her she's a good mom and those costumes are on point. And then, maybe give her a gentle reminder about that school event y'all have next week because you know she forgot about it. And, for those folks in my neck of the woods, if you happen to see two little blue macaws wandering down your street tonight, give them an extra smile. Sure, their elaborately hand crafted costumes may LOOK like we've got it all together, but it's prob only a 50% chance their mom remembered to pack their underwear.
Happy Halloween Y'all!
