Today is a day that I've been dreading. It's Adeline's birthday-- the one year anniversary of the day our second daughter was born and died.
We took the day off work today, just in case. I didn't really know what to expect, but I knew myself enough to know that it would probably involve some ugly crying. I was right. It's not even noon and I look as if I had a terrible shellfish reaction. If you see me around today, and I'm wearing giant sunglasses in the grocery store, do me a favor and just go with it. Trust me, it's not a pretty sight under there.
So much has happened in the past year-- sometimes I still can't believe it. There's a lot that I want to say to all of you, but for today, I want to start by saying a few things to Adeline.
Happy Birthday little one. I've been thinking of you a lot lately. How are things up there in cloud city? Please give Prince a high-five for me if you can. I know you're in good company, but I still miss you everyday.
Normally, moms get to teach their little girls, but I've never taught you a single thing. Instead, it's all been the other way around. In the past year, I've learned so much from you. You've taught me to be more compassionate, more loving, grateful, and to write songs like a legit troubled troubadour. You've also taught me that life could be taken away at any minute, and so we cannot wait to stand up for the things we feel to be right. I guess what I'm trying to say is that you've made your mom a lot more bad-ass. Nice one.
I'll love you all of my life Adeline. I hope next year will be easier than this one, but I know that your good influence on me will last a lifetime.