Tuesday, May 17, 2016
Our house is being invaded by stink-bugs.
Seriously, I think they must be having a convention or something. Now that I think about it, it must be a SWINGERS stink-bug convention because I haven't seen any of them wearing clothes, and judging from their sheer numbers I'd say these little bugs are having a lot of sex.
So here I am, my walls crawling with hedonistic stink-bugs, having their stink bug equivalent of the "Naughty in 'Nawlins" sex festival.* ** I'm clearly grossed out because there are so many bugs, plus I'm a little concerned about Amelia being exposed to that kind of promiscuity at such a young age. What's a mom to do?
* Yes. That's a real thing. I googled it.
** Sean, if you notice from our computer browser history that I've been googling "Famous Swingers Conventions" I don't want you to get the wrong idea.
Enter the vacuum cleaner. If you think I'm not using the hose extension designed to clean hard-to-reach corners to suck these little bastards off the ceiling, you're crazy. Furthermore, if you think that, after disposing of these stink bugs, I'm actually using that vacuum extension to clean some hard-to-reach corners, you're also crazy. I don't have time for that shit.
Besides, I'm too busy trying to think of a name for our stink bug convention, (Woodstink? Club Carapace? Stink-Bone?), and browsing Amazon for a book for Amelia that helps me tackle the difficult parenting dilemma of explaining promiscuity in invertebrates.