Tuesday, August 29, 2017

We survive the move to NC-- with one major casualty

By this time, many of you are wondering how we've been hanging in there-- what with a newborn baby and a cross country move and all. The good news is, we've made it to North Carolina, and-- weeks later-- our belongings also made it to North Carolina! (Thanks for nothing-- North American Van lines!) All of us are now happily hunkered down in an apt in Durham while we look for a house.

This same house in Durham would cost $400,000.
I'll miss you, mid-western real-estate prices!

We are thrilled with the new opportunities before us, but at this point, we're also in survival mode. Here is a rough breakdown of how I've been spending my days.

  • 30% riding in a car with a screaming newborn
  • 60% Digging through boxes, searching for assorted kitchenwares.*
  • 10% Going to bed at 9:30
*where for art though, pizza cutter?

It's exactly this sleep deprivation that leads me to today's story, however.

The other day, Sean started his new job.  Now, it just so happens that he was running on about two hours of sleep because we had just driven to see the solar eclipse (which deserves a whole separate blog post because it was so fucking incredible--seriously) and we were delayed in the apocalyptic traffic jam afterwards.

In the morning, Sean woke up and began to trim his beard.  If you've seen Sean's beard, you know it is a thing of beauty. It gives him a rugged, lumber-sexual flare that is appealing to men and women alike. For some reason, it makes me weirdly proud when other men comment enviously about his lack of patchiness. Whenever our friends are like "Man Sean, I wish I could grow a beard as full as yours!" Internally I'm all like "yeah Suckers--- my husband is a REAL man--- bow down before his full-faced follicles you sprinkle-bearded half-men!" I'm the worst.

Anyways, perhaps the universe was punishing me for gloating, because-- unbeknownst to Sean, his trimmers had gotten bumped during the move, and somehow ended up on a shorter setting. When he went to trim up before the all-employee meeting where he would be meeting his new colleagues-- he accidentally shaved one side of it off. You heard that right. Sean ACCIDENTALLY SHAVED HALF HIS BEARD OFF because when you are a new parent, you do shit like that*, and I suppose I should just be grateful he didn't accidentally put my morning coffee in the gas tank of our Prius. He came in the baby's room and was like--- "uh honey-- do you want to see something funny?" And then I actually screamed because my FAVORITE BEARD was ruined. But also I was trying to be supportive so I told him it didn't look that bad. (Which is partially true because Sean is disgustingly handsome and it would take a lot to stop that dream train--but still.) Then, he trimmed the other side to match and then he started to shorten the front and I got pretty emotional and I was like STOP CUTTING IT RIGHT NOW.

*new parents are operating on about 40% of our normal brain cells, and 400% of our normal caffeine intake.

Sean's beard, driving us to North Carolina. RIP good friend. 

This story is admittedly hilarious, but I think what I love most about it is that it's so uncharacteristic for Sean to have a slip up like this.  Normally, it is the sort of thing I would do. For example, when I started my last job-- I cleverly decided to run through my endless supply of boy-scout popcorn* and turn my office into "the cool office with snacks." Unfortunately, on my first bag I had a microwave mishap that caused all of my new co-workers to evacuate the building while the fire department was called. "Nice to meet you," I told them, as we waited outside in the cold Ohio winter. "My name is KatieWould you like some popcorn?" I added, miserably.

*The neighbor's kid was a scout, and very persuasive

After all these years of me being sort of a disaster, it's nice to know Sean can have his moments too.  Even Smaug the magnificent had one penetrable section to his diamond waistcoat, and Sean is no different.  Also, incidentally, Sean could grow a better beard than Smaug the magnificent, and you can tell him I said so.  I'm sure a few months from now, we'll emerge from this sleep deprived cloud and laugh about all this. But for now, it's almost 9:30, and I think I'll go and try to microwave some popcorn before bed.


  1. Resplendently bearded husbands are wonderful creatures :)
    Oh, and I went digging through boxes for an egg separator that I am inexplicably attached to this week. It's still MIA too.