Monday, January 6, 2014

The Temperature at Sean and Katie's Place is Not Safe For Taun-Tauns!


Oh my God it is so cold outside.

I know what you're thinking "Don't be so dramatic Katie, how cold could it really be?"

I would like to respond to your question with a visual aid:

I accept your apology.

This is not a joke thermometer.  I did not buy it in some sort of sick joke shop. This is the the actual thermometer outside of our garage, and it basically reads "Get BACK INSIDE, Ass-Faces."

I want to design a new sort of thermometer, which screams at people whenever it is below zero degrees outside.  If, for instance, it was 5 degrees below zero, and someone was trying to scrape off their car and go to work, this thermometer would scream at them "HEY. You have paid sick days and a Hulu Plus subscription-- don't be a hero."

Or, if it was MUCH colder than that---as cold for instance, as it is in Ohio today--- the thermometer would scream dramatically: "You can't go out there! Your Taun-Taun will freeze before it reaches the first marker!" and then you could shout defiantly back at your Thermometer: "Then I'll see you in Hell!!" And then you would try to reach your office anyways.

This video, entitled "Luke Skywalker, Worst Scout Ever" made me laugh so hard I peed cried. 
(Ok fine. I peed.)

Incidentally, I have never been gladder that Sean commutes to work via bicycle rather than by Taun-Taun, because those things are pretty unreliable in the cold.

Look at this Taun-Taun.  That thing is already dead. 

But can we get serious for a minute?


Things are looking positively eldritch at our house right now, and I think of all people I've seen Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban enough times to know a Dementor attack when I see one.
My House

The Hogwarts Express

So, here I am-- sitting in my living room and waiting out the cold.* Tomorrow morning I'll have to fight my way through the Dementors and the frozen windows and make my way to work.  When I do, I'm really hoping that my Patronus doesn't take the shape of a Taun-Taun, because it that thing wouldn't last too long in these conditions.  At any rate,  it probably wouldn't make it out of our driveway, and I don't want to hear my thermometer screaming "I told you so!" **

* Ok, fine. I'm drinking.
** I'll see you in Hell, Thermometer!

1 comment:

  1. Sean didn't really still commute by bike did he?? Even Lee walked to school yesterday in 4 degree weather instead of biking. But, that's right...he walked instead of drove. The nut! PS. We had ice on the inside of our windows too!