Oh my God it is so cold outside.
I know what you're thinking "Don't be so dramatic Katie, how cold could it really be?"
I would like to respond to your question with a visual aid:
I accept your apology.
This is not a joke thermometer. I did not buy it in some sort of sick joke shop. This is the the actual thermometer outside of our garage, and it basically reads "Get BACK INSIDE, Ass-Faces."
I want to design a new sort of thermometer, which screams at people whenever it is below zero degrees outside. If, for instance, it was 5 degrees below zero, and someone was trying to scrape off their car and go to work, this thermometer would scream at them "HEY. You have paid sick days and a Hulu Plus subscription-- don't be a hero."
Or, if it was MUCH colder than that---as cold for instance, as it is in Ohio today--- the thermometer would scream dramatically: "You can't go out there! Your Taun-Taun will freeze before it reaches the first marker!" and then you could shout defiantly back at your Thermometer: "Then I'll see you in Hell!!" And then you would try to reach your office anyways.
This video, entitled "Luke Skywalker, Worst Scout Ever" made me laugh so hard I
(Ok fine. I peed.)
Incidentally, I have never been gladder that Sean commutes to work via bicycle rather than by Taun-Taun, because those things are pretty unreliable in the cold.
|Look at this Taun-Taun. That thing is already dead.|
But can we get serious for a minute?
I THINK THERE ARE DEMENTORS OUTSIDE OUR WINDOWS.
Things are looking positively eldritch at our house right now, and I think of all people I've seen Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban enough times to know a Dementor attack when I see one.
The Hogwarts Express
So, here I am-- sitting in my living room and waiting out the cold.* Tomorrow morning I'll have to fight my way through the Dementors and the frozen windows and make my way to work. When I do, I'm really hoping that my Patronus doesn't take the shape of a Taun-Taun, because it that thing wouldn't last too long in these conditions. At any rate, it probably wouldn't make it out of our driveway, and I don't want to hear my thermometer screaming "I told you so!" **
* Ok, fine. I'm drinking.
** I'll see you in Hell, Thermometer!