Friday, October 18, 2013

What to do when your baby calls the UPS man Daddy

Sean and I used to work as field reps for a large publishing company. This was a job that required a great deal of travel, and the frequent delivery of boxes of books to our home offices.  The running joke among the older reps that we worked with was that their kids called the UPS man "Daddy." (Motto: what can brown do for you?!)

This joke was brought home yesterday when our baby ACTUALLY DID CALL THE UPS MAN DADDY. Here's what I think happened.

All babies come equipped with standard sensory equipment-- ears, nose, mouth, and two eyes.  But, especially during the first 8 months, your baby's sense of vision is so underdeveloped that they can't distinguish between you, their parent, and an oval-shaped piece of fruit such as your typical melon or kumquat.

As Millie's vision develops, she is sort of like a cyborg with some of those computerized goggles to analyze what she is seeing. You know, like in the TERMINATOR movies. Here is my estimation of what she sees as she looks around our house.

item: disgusting piece of floor trash
color: brownish
edible: almost certainly
action: put in mouth

item: homemade peach baby food
color: orange
edible: no
action: grimace and/or scream

Lately, she is able to recognize her Daddy as a man with dark hair and a beard. Naturally, she sees him wherever we go.

item: man
location: home
hair color: brown
beard: yes
daddy? yes

item: man
location: large brown truck
hair color: brown
beard: yes
daddy? definitely

item: man
location: check out line in grocery store 
hair color: brown
beard: yes
daddy? probably

That's why yesterday, when she saw "Daddy" at the door to make a delivery, she decided to give him a real treat and say her first words. "Da-tah" She told him lovingly. pointing and waving.  "please sign here ma'am," he replied, looking embarrassed.

When he got home from work, Sean took the news in stride. "At least I know why Cricket always barks at the UPS man," he told me jokingly.  For my part, I think that Millie's cyborg computer must be malfunctioning, which is why I've ordered her a new one.  I hope her Daddy gets here soon to deliver it.

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