Tuesday, October 8, 2013

MY Jehovah's witness, and the Honorable Reverend Guy Clark

I got a visit from my Jehovah's Witness yesterday.  She's been coming to see me pretty often lately, especially when I'm in the shower. I wonder if she even knows what my hair looks like dry, or if she envisions that I just hang out in my house in a perpetual state of dripping wet partial dress?  That may explain why she wants so badly to save me!

Now, I know some of my friends dread getting visits from religious evangelists, but the Jehovah's Witness that comes to see me is actually really sweet.  Lets be clear-- I have NO INTENTION of converting to her religion, but--being raised in the South-- I also have no intention of being rude to sweet old ladies who come to my door. Besides, I've worked enough sales jobs to know that cold-calling on people SUCKS BALLS, even if you don't have to confront them about Satan.

When I worked in sales, sometimes people were downright rude.  I was always grateful to have a few customers who I knew I could rely on to be friendly and polite, even if internally they thought of me as a trampy little time-burgler wearing outlandish high heels. (I was usually a trampy little time-burglar who brought brownies with me, which I think must have been some consolation.)  That's why my Jehovah's witness and I have an unspoken agreement.   She never pushes me or asks to come inside, and I politely take her newest magazine ("This one has some great information about Satan!") and warmly thank her.

This last visit, my Jehovah's Witness brought me a new pamphlet called "Three Things that Money Can't Buy."  I don't want to criticize other people's religions, but Sean was quick to point out that nowhere on this list was mentioned "True Love, or Homegrown Tomatoes."

I wish I knew where my Jehovahs witness lived.  If I did, some weekday morning as she was getting out of the shower, she'd get a knock on her front door.  She would run to the door, dripping wet, and when she opened it there would be me, with my guitar.

I'd give her a huge smile, and then tell her I was there, spreading the word of the Honorable Rev. Guy Clark.  Then I'd play her this song, and if I know my Jehovah's Witness, I think she'd really dig it. If nothing else, she'd at least politely listen while she ate her brownie.

"Theres only two things that money can't buy, and that's true love and homegrown tomatoes..."
- Guy Clark

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