Tuesday, June 18, 2013

Millie goes to Amish Country

Yesterday we took Millie on a tour of Amish Country.  Actually, we were just driving through Amish country, but we had to stop several times to accommodate her scream/sleep cycle, so we chose to think of it as a country tour.  

I grew up in North Carolina, and was therefore never exposed to Amish people until we moved to Ohio.  I am fascinated by their communities, culture, and agricultural practices, but mostly by their pretty, pretty horses. Like all women, I love horses.  Don't ask me why-- I think it has something to do with X-chromosomes and Barr bodies---but I look at a green, rolling pasture filled with horses with an aesthetic appreciation that is only found in men who are currently watching movies of Megan Fox.   

The first pasture we passed was filled with horses.  One of them was running.  SO PRETTY.  No view could be more pastoral.  Except the next pasture, which was filled with BABY HORSES, who were learning to run. I almost snorted coke zero out of my nose it was so awesome.  Sean was laughing pretty hard at me.  But, when the next pasture came into view, even Sean had to catch his breath-- because-- although it didn't contain Megan Fox-- it did contain BABY MINIATURE HORSES, which are the only thing cuter than baby normal-sized-horses when they learn to run.  The crushing burden of this cuteness was felt throughout the car. Sean just gaped at it open mouthed.  I reacted defensively, shouting "That's it! We are moving to Amish Country." From the backseat, Millie seemed unfazed, possibly because, as a being of brain-melting cuteness herself, she has developed some biological protections from such an onslaught. 

As we continued our drive, I made some more observations, mostly regarding Amish people. 
1. Amish people love sunglasses.
2. Amish people have cool beards.
3. Amish people wear suspenders.
Once you factor in the ZZ-Top style beards, sunglasses, and suspenders there is very little difference between the appearance of these Amish farmers and many hipster musicians I have met, which is why I think somebody should make a website called "Amish Farmer, or Band Member." Visitors to this site will have to guess if they're looking at a photo of an Amish-born apple farmer, or the banjo player for a touring Americana band. It will be awesome.

Naturally, the sight of such beautiful farm country, friendly people, and majestic facial hair got me thinking about whether we ourselves should become Amish. I had reason to believe we would be welcomed, because every buggy-driving Amish family I waved to while driving, waved back at me.  On one hand, their world seemed irresistibly idyllic-- especially from the comfort of our air-conditioned car. But, on the other hand, I doubt they would let us have a cd player to play Millie's xylophone music, and I still haven't gotten to watch Downton Abbey.  It was a tough choice. 

Here's how I broke down the Advantages and Disadvantages:

advantages to becoming Amish

In the end, we decided not to become Amish, but to show our support for their lifestyle by purchasing artisan cheeses.  I have the feeling that many more trips of Horse-oogling lay in our future. But in the meantime, I'm trying to convince Sean to let me get a baby miniature horse for the backyard.  As a compromise to our combined aesthetic sensibilities, I've promised to let him name it Megan Fox. 

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