In Defense of the DIY Parents this Halloween

This year, for Halloween, Millie decided to be a blue macaw.  Not just ANY blue macaw, but Jewel from the movie Rio.  Then Ben, who wants to do literally anything his sister does, decided he ALSO wanted to be a blue Macaw, and so for the last several weeks I've been feverishly cutting fleece feathers, sewing, and hot-gluing to make two realistic life sized endangered parrot costumes because that's exactly how I've always pictured me using my college degree, and also my free time, which I have so much of.  

ALSO in the past few weeks I've been having conversations with my friends and fellow parents at the park, dance class, and all  the other places where weary parents gather and try to squeeze in adult conversations between sipping coffee and listening to podcasts. These conversations typically go like this:

Parent 1: (turning off their podcast as they see me approaching) "So, what do your kids want to be for Halloween this year?"

Me: (frantically drinking coffee):  "My kids are going to be Blue and Jewel, the endangered Blue Macaws from Rio."

Parent 1: "I found a great deal on an (insert costume idea) here, which I responsibly planned ahead for and bought a month ago, so I still had time to send it back if anything didn't fit properly."

 Me:"Yeah, me and my kids went to the craft store the other day to pick out materials, and now I've just got like--- I dunno maybe 15 hours of trying to get my kids to stand still in their partially constructed costumes while I haphazardly hot-glue things together in my future."

Parent 1: "Oh God, you're not one of those crafty moms who is going to show us all up are you?"

Okay let's pause this conversation here.  I bet this conversation sounds familiar to most of you-- but I don't want any of y'all to get defensive.  I'd just like to say, especially if you are one of the many people who have had this conversation with me, that your kid looks adorable in their store-bought costume. This isn't a post about how homemade ones are better/worse than store bought ones.  It's about how-- at least for me-- I'm not making extravagant home-made costumes to compete with other parents, but rather to give my own kids one day when their (sometimes spacey) Mamma totally comes through for them.

Okay, back to the conversation.  What I normally say here is something self deprecating like "oh, you know I can never get my act together to buy a costume in advance so I always end up making one last minute."  but what I OUGHT to say is. YES MOTHERFUCKERS.  I AM TOTALLY THAT CRAFTY MOM. MY KID'S COSTUMES ARE GOING TO BE MAJESTIC AND I'M NOT APOLOGIZING FOR IT, AND ALSO PLEASE DON'T LET THEM NEAR ANY FIRES, BECAUSE THOSE PARROT WINGS ARE SUPER FLAMMABLE.

Here's the truth.  It can be hard to be my kid. Oh sure, I'm fun and my kids love me, but I'm sort of a shit show.  I struggle with the day-to-day administrative tasks that come along with parenting.  I see all you organized parents out there really succeeding at tasks such as making appointments, getting involved with your kids school, and making sure everybody gets out the door each morning with underwear on. But that's a struggle for me. And it's a struggle for my kids too.  Sometimes my daughter asks me why I can't be more like the other parents she sees. Why I don't write little notes in her lunch box each day for her, or chaperone her field trips, or remember her birthday.* But on Halloween--- well Halloween is the one day a year my daughter can feel super smug that she's MY daughter.

 *jk on this one y'all.  :)
** But to be honest, we did throw Millie's birthday 8 whole months after her actual birthday this year, so yeah... I guess I'm the worst.

So, as you look around your neighborhoods tonight, soak in all the different ways in which parents take on costumes for their kids.  Then, breathe a deep sigh and know that---despite our differences-- deep down, all of us still have the same commitment to eat our children's candy at night once they go to sleep. If you see the crafty mom in the community tagging along after her kids, don't give her too much hell about trying to show other parents up-- chances are her fingerprints are now permanently
burned away from the heat of her hot glue gun, and the poor woman has suffered enough.  Instead, give her a smile and tell her she's a good mom and those costumes are on point.  And then, maybe give her a gentle reminder about that school event y'all have next week because you know she forgot about it.  And, for those folks in my neck of the woods, if you happen to see two little blue macaws wandering down your street tonight, give them an extra smile.  Sure, their elaborately hand crafted costumes may LOOK like we've got it all together, but it's prob only a 50% chance their mom remembered to pack their underwear. 

Happy Halloween Y'all!

Bad haircut choices, and My love for Lorrie Morgan

The stylist in the fancy Durham salon scanned through pictures on her phone of potential hairstyles. She found the one she was looking for and held it up for me. IS THAT LORRIE MORGAN?" I asked excitedly. "I'm not sure, she answered. "What do you think of her haircut though? Is that what you had in mind?"


I leaned back in my salon chair.   It wasn't really what I had in mind.  I had come in with a much different haircut agenda. But it was good enough for Lorrie, and I'll be dammed if I'm going to go around questioning my betters.  I answered instinctively. "Yes, Do it" I said.  Then, I added for the fund of general knowledge of the room. "Lorrie Morgan is a country music superstar, and her album "watch me" was a really important part of my life when I was 10 years old. "

This is the picture she showed me.  It's okay to laugh at me now if you need to. We all know this isn't going to end well.

Those of you who know me best are probably wondering a few things at this point:

1. Katie, what were you doing in a salon in the first place? You are famously afraid of them and for that reason always cut your own hair.
2. Katie, how is it possible you trusted a stylist who didn't even know who Lorrie Morgan is?
3. And finally, Katie how does your new haircut look?

I'll answer your last question first.  How does my haircut look?  Not good guys. Not good. My stylist did her best, but--since she was unable to also give me Lorrie Morgan's boobs or great cheekbones-- Lorrie Morgan's haircut does not look that good on me. If my stylist had known more about country music, maybe she could have warned me against such a rash decision. As it was, she couldn't really have understood the draw the photo had for me.

To answer your second question- never again y'all. Never again. From now on I'm going to give any stylist I go and see a pop quiz on 1980's country music megastars.  If she misses ONE WORD out of Wynonna Judd's mouth during our impromptu duet of Why Not Me? I AM OUT OF THERE.*
*just kidding.  I get to be Wynonna.

Actually, none of this is really the stylist's fault.  It's my own damn fault.  The whole reason I had to go to the salon in the first place was that I self-trimmed my hair in a ridiculously lopsided fashion two nights ago.  Before I went to bed that night, I thought to myself. DAMN.  I REALLY NAILED THAT HAIRCUT TONIGHT! I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE IT IN THE MORNING.  The morning came around, and I showered then dried my hair.

Me before going to bed two nights ago

 Do y'all remember Kitty, the mom from That 70's Show?  I looked like her, only not symmetrical.

Actually scratch that.  I looked like Krusty the clown. 

Even my bestie Stacy, who is extremely biased towards me took one look at my lopsided self-inflicted coiffure and said. "I'll call my salon and tell them it's an emergency. Maybe they can get you in this afternoon." 

For all these reasons, I was in an especially hilarious mood when I sat down with my stylist, and-- having already sentenced myself to a super short haircut in order to fix the damage I'd done-- was ready to go big or go home.

I learned a lot of important lessons yesterday. Even though this process has taught me a lot about the limitations of my own cheekbones, I think that the enjoyment I've been getting out of telling this story has overridden my actual dissatisfaction with my hair. Here are some of my major takeaways:

1. I don't have Lorrie Morgan's cheekbones.  No one does. She's basically part pixie.
2. I need to start acting like an adult and stop cutting my own hair*
3. It is disheartening how many people have never heard of Lorrie Morgan.
4. I need to make Sean start practicing "Why not Me" with me, for the next time I need to go and get a haircut.
5. I get to be Wynonna.

So, as a PSA for what a real country diva looks and sounds like, here is a blurry video of Lorrie Morgan singing "Watch Me." I need you to all take a minute to watch this while pretending that you are an impressionable 10 year old girl.  Then, fast forward to the present and tell me you would have done any differently in my situation.  

*update: I gave myself a little trim and now I like my hair better.  I wasn't going to do it, but then I was like "but what would Lorrie do if she were in my situation?" Then I literally took a pair of scissors to my haircut while singing watch me and I feel awesome now.

#whatwoudllorriedo
#watchme
#igettobewynonna