Update: I buy my t-shirts in the grocery store now

I've never been an overly fashionable person. I remember after Millie was born I struggled with the question all first time parents ask themselves-- can I wear jeggings now that I'm a mom? Or, did the birth of my first child somehow lock me into the clothing I already owned, barring my access from all future fashion trends? Could I indeed wear jeggings in 2013? Reader, I tell you I could.

But now, after the birth of my son in 2017, I am older and wiser. I find myself liberated from the pangs of uncertainty regarding my wardrobe. I am living back in the south,  I am operating on very little sleep, and I WILL WEAR WHATEVER GARMENT MOST EASILY ALLOWS ME TO TAKE MY BOOBS OUT IN THIS BOJANGLES. * **Period.
*To breastfeed, of course
** #freebojangles tho

Tonight, I reached new levels of relaxation, when I bought some high quality ladies' apparel in my local Kroger grocery. Naturally, I had waited until both of my children were asleep to go grocery shopping, because-- and I say this with love-- children are monsters.  Earlier today, I had failed to buy a carving pumpkin at the Fresh Market because Ben would not stop screaming.  Most likely, he was simply outraged at the price of artisanal pumpkins, but he elevated his concern to such levels that I could no longer focus on my grocery list. We walked out of the store, which probably saved me from buying a $15.00 jar of imported capers.

This evening I trotted through Kroger, hunting after the items I had failed to buy this afternoon. In the middle of the candy isle I saw it-- a giant display of star wars t-shirts. Hold the phone. I said to myself. I can buy clothes in the grocery store now? IS IT SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE TO BUY MY SHIRTS IN THE KROGER? I asked myself? No of course not. WOULD OBI WAN KENOBI HAVE DONE IT? Yes. Absolutely. I think i can say with 100% certainty that Obi Wan Kenobi would buy all of his shirts at the grocery store, because Jedi's don't have time to fuck around with driving to Kohls.

So, I grabbed the t-shirt and bought it. It's an awesome find, featuring a picture of Chewbacca with a caption that reads "Wookie Of The Year." Hahahaha! Even as I type that I am cracking up. Whoever made this shirt is a marketing genius, and the folks at Disney's apparel wing are not paying them enough. 

Seriously, give this person a raise.

 Anyways, thanks to whoever made this shirt, and had the vision and leadership to broker a merchandising deal with Kroger.  You are a model of corporate innovation. My only complaint is that the cut of this shirt favors a 13 year old boy, (undoubtedly your target audience.) As of the time of writing, I have taken a pair of scissors to the t-shirt, in order to give myself easier access to breastfeeding in the bojangles.

This Week in Photos, featuring Pitty the Zebracorn

Last Wednesday was Sean's birthday.  I cooked a giant dinner ("double meat lasagna," my insurance policy that Sean will never leave me,) and we had an exciting evening of pretending to be various zoo animals before Millie went to bed.  Currently, Millie's favorite zoo animal is a Zebra.  She loves Zebra's beyond the boundaries of what anyone has ever felt or known of love. But, even zebras can be improved. They CAN BE UNICORNS. That's right, you heard me.  And as long as we are making them into Unicorns, they may as well be pink.  Are they sparkly? ARE THEY SPARKLY?!! I can't even believe you had to ask that question.  Yes, genius. They are Sparkly.

Everyone, meet, Pitty The Zebracorn. 

 Vocal talent for Pitty is Provided by Sean. (Motto: Sean! I know it's my birthday, but I'm still about to get down on all fours and give this girl a horsey-ride to the bathtub!)

I'm sure you're wondering what else has been going on at Sean and Katie's place recently, so I've prepared this short photo essay for your enjoyment. 

The crocuses in my yard finally bloom

Causing me to end my 4 month long spell of weeping, this southern girl celebrated the return of warmth by throwing myself a couch party.  The main activities included ordering nursery plants online, and ordering heirloom seeds online. The main attendees were myself, rum, and diet-coke.  (I'm not sorry, Sean.)

Millie and I take the most epic selfie ever. 

A long time ago, in a Galaxy far, far away, my daughter is awesome.

Sean and I's love is perfectly encapsulated in a pair of ceramic coffee mugs. 

Thank you Stacy, for the most important gift we will ever receive. I think it is possible that this image will need to become the profile picture for this blog.

That's it for now.  We'll see you next week for Episode 2: Pitty the Zebracorn meets Moby Starfighter: Bathtub Whale.

The Temperature at Sean and Katie's Place is Not Safe For Taun-Tauns!

IT IS COLD AS BALLS OUTSIDE.

Oh my God it is so cold outside.

I know what you're thinking "Don't be so dramatic Katie, how cold could it really be?"

I would like to respond to your question with a visual aid:

I accept your apology.

This is not a joke thermometer.  I did not buy it in some sort of sick joke shop. This is the the actual thermometer outside of our garage, and it basically reads "Get BACK INSIDE, Ass-Faces."

I want to design a new sort of thermometer, which screams at people whenever it is below zero degrees outside.  If, for instance, it was 5 degrees below zero, and someone was trying to scrape off their car and go to work, this thermometer would scream at them "HEY. You have paid sick days and a Hulu Plus subscription-- don't be a hero."

Or, if it was MUCH colder than that---as cold for instance, as it is in Ohio today--- the thermometer would scream dramatically: "You can't go out there! Your Taun-Taun will freeze before it reaches the first marker!" and then you could shout defiantly back at your Thermometer: "Then I'll see you in Hell!!" And then you would try to reach your office anyways.

This video, entitled "Luke Skywalker, Worst Scout Ever" made me laugh so hard I peed cried. 

(Ok fine. I peed.)

Incidentally, I have never been gladder that Sean commutes to work via bicycle rather than by Taun-Taun, because those things are pretty unreliable in the cold.

Look at this Taun-Taun.  That thing is already dead. 

But can we get serious for a minute?

I THINK THERE ARE DEMENTORS OUTSIDE OUR WINDOWS.

Things are looking positively eldritch at our house right now, and I think of all people I've seen Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban enough times to know a Dementor attack when I see one.

My House

The Hogwarts Express

So, here I am-- sitting in my living room and waiting out the cold.* Tomorrow morning I'll have to fight my way through the Dementors and the frozen windows and make my way to work.  When I do, I'm really hoping that my Patronus doesn't take the shape of a Taun-Taun, because it that thing wouldn't last too long in these conditions.  At any rate,  it probably wouldn't make it out of our driveway, and I don't want to hear my thermometer screaming "I told you so!" **

* Ok, fine. I'm drinking.
** I'll see you in Hell, Thermometer!